Blog

I realize that one of my personality weaknesses is the lack of consistency, or lack of discipline.  Usually I have great zeal and passion when I first start a project.  If the project itself requires repetition and doing the same task on a regular daily basis, I loose my steam in quick time.  I enjoy variety, changes, and dynamics interactions.

But life is not always like that.  Majority of life is made out of routine, regularity, and slow, steady progress.

Not having worked outside of home also spoiled me and spared me from the necessary consequence of laziness and an undisciplined life.  Sigh.

So for example, I started a challenge of reading one book a day a few weeks ago.  After reading two in a roll, I lost my steam and have really stalled my book reading progress.  With my tendency of easily distracted and forgetfulness, I have actually completely forgot about his goal I set a few weeks ago, until this afternoon… So I picked up another good book once again, hoping to get it going anew.

I live to learn, always expanding.  Life is about growth and I want to grow well.

Lord I look to You

Teach me to look up when I am down.  Give me courage to not give up, not give in, and not let go of Your promises

Teach me to remember all Your faithfulness and kindness when I am near the storms of life.  I have found the place of peace and strength whenever I look to You.  So even now, I close my eyes and breath Your nearness in to let life and grace enter my inner most part.

You are my rock.  You are steadfast One.  You are my Friend who will never let go.  You don’t let go and You won’t let down.  You hold me in the psalm in Your hand and You will never let me fall.  Though people and circumstances always change, there is One who is constant and there is One who is trustworthy.  Even tonight, I stand on the assurance that my best friend on high is best friend for life.  Through mountain top and valley low, there is a friend who is closer than a brother and He will never walk out of my life, no matter how weak and overwhelm I feel.  The reality is I have one on high fighting for my destiny and fighting for love to be completed in me.

So I stretch out my hands and look up to heaven, where my help comes from.  Let Your love wash over the pain of yesteryears.  Let love start to flow into every emptiness in this heart.  The wonderful thing about feeling empty is that there is plenty of space in my heart for Your holy, all consuming love to fill it up.  Set a flame a holy fire in my heart, a passion that once will set me on the right path and set my foot running on the path You have set out for me to run on before the foundation of the world.  Clear the clouds and part the grey sky above me.  Let me hear the cheers all the heavenly has started for me.  Let me hear the affectionate declaration that here I am, Your beloved, and You will not let me go until the day of finish line.

Teach me to make my life count.  Teach me what and how to walk with Holy Spirit my best friend.  Even in a dark night of my soul, I am turning to You, the savior of my soul.  Give me vision so I can see things like You do.  Give me wisdom so I know how to start and how to continue.

When I am overwhelmed, I am leaning into Your arm.  Though I sleep, my heart is awake, come pass through my dreams and leave traces of Your fingerprints all over my mind and heart.  There is nothing as holy as the hush of waking up to a dream from heaven.  Let it be tonight as I go and lay my head down.

There is a flow of tears that seem to be unceasing.  But I know there is an end to this.  Dawn will always come, after a long night of darkness.  As long as darkness is around, more precious and brighter is the morning rays breaking forth.  I am awaiting, my redeemer.

Starting the blog again is like meeting an old friend.  Reconnecting always brings back certain memory, reflection, and sometimes examination.  It’s a good process for growth.  It’s also good for the soul – to look back and remember.

I want to remind myself that little by little, daily entry becomes a consistent blog.  I also want to remind myself that day by day, no matter how hopeless some situations may seem to be, help will always come.  I think I wrote in my journal a few days ago – no matter how long the dark night is, dawn will eventually come.

The beauty of being older is having perspective on life that otherwise couldn’t gain.  I remember in the younger days whenever I felt rather really really blue, when I barely had enough resolve to face yet another wave of despair, having complete changes, and quick changes for the circumstances to turn around, was all I could think of.  However, these days I find myself doing a lot of mental challenges to my own thinking – instead of focusing on the difficulty or the overwhelming sense of helplessness, I tell myself to look further and to be patient.  Looking at the rhythm of life and the consistent record of God’s goodness, I know that light really is at the end of the tunnel.  The key is to keep walking toward that direction and not give up.

Not giving up has becoming an increasing virtue that I admire.  I heard a phrase last month – that many in the world were given the potential to be a champion.  But most didn’t make it because they rarely had the discipline to give themselves to the training.  To me, the training is no longer for the outward performance or accomplishment.  The goal is to live a “not wasted” life.  Don’t waste time idly.  Don’t waste my opportune moments with my family.  Don’t want to waste moments when I could have make an impact to bring kindness and warmth to people in and out of my life.  In doing so, maybe I have trained myself to grow in soul and spirit to expand and to learn.

So, to start blogging again is in itself a training for me.  To write, to ponder, and to give a part of me into the unknown world out there takes courage.  So it is good.

Hello, the blog world.  Hope our hearts connect in a meaningful way in the days to come.